Decision
by Quil Explodes
Summary: What if Bella decided to not go after Edward? To stay with Jacob?
1. Chapter 1

_Jacob caught my arm with a shivering hand. "Please, Bella. I'm begging" _

_His dark eyes were glistening with tears. A lump filled my throat. _

_"Jake, I _have_ to--" _

_"You don't, though. You really don't. You could stay here with me. You could stay alive. For Charlie. For me." _

_The engine of Carlisle's Mercedes purred; the rhythm of the thrumming spiked when Alice revved it impatiently._

I could stay. Anger at Edward ran through me. He had left me, and here I was off to save him. I looked up at Jacob's eyes; they were full of pain. Jacob had been here for me, the whole time. Except that period after he changed, but he had made up for that by trying to tell me. He had never once broken his promise to me, never once hurt me. Edward had. He had left me, so why was I off to save him? He had torn a hole in my chest, so why did I care what happened to him? I owed my loyalty to Jake now, not Edward.

"Bella?" Alice called impatiently. "Are you coming?" What about Alice? Did I owe her? Should I go running off to Italy and bloodthirsty vampires trying to save her brother? She was my friend, but she had left too. She knew what it would do to me, and as much as I loved her, and the rest of the Cullens, I knew what I had to do. As if he had seen the resolve in my eyes, the anger, Jake suddenly looked hopeful. I couldn't do that to him, I couldn't leave him, not to know whether I was coming back. I knew what it had done to me, when the person—or vampire—I had loved left me.

"No, Alice. I can't." I heard Jake gasp, and then he crushed me in a bear hug that almost suffocated me.

Alice looked at us in disbelief. "Bella?" She said weakly.

"Alice... He left me, how do I know he's not going to do it again? You can go save him, you and Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle. I'm not going to let him hurt me again." Jacob beamed, Alice groaned.

"He won't listen to anyone but you. He won't!"

"Disguise your thoughts, sneak up on him. Can't you just like sing a song or something?" There were ways to hide what you were thinking. I didn't need to go. "Tell him I'm still alive..." I trailed off.

"No, Bella!" She wasn't going to give up without a fight, but I had had enough. Her betrayal was just as bad as Edward's. My momentary joy at seeing her again wasn't really what I was thinking, what I felt.

"Just go, Alice. Go." Of course, I didn't want Edward to die—I still loved him, after all—but not enough to risk my life, and Jake's happiness, for his.

Alice hesitated, deliberating. Should she go, or try to convince me to stay? The second option was no use, and every second she spent here was one less she could spend saving Edward.

"I'm not changing my mind, Alice. I'm sorry." My voice broke on the last words, and Jacob said, "Leave her alone, leech."

Alice waited a second, looked at me hopelessly, and drove off, the Mercedes screeching loud. I watched as she drove out of sight, then turned my eyes on Jake. His dark eyes were glad, joyful. "Oh, Bella..." He hugged me again, harder this time.

"I...can't...breathe!" He loosened his arms slightly, and I pulled away and met his eyes.

"Thanks, Bells."

"No problem." But the hole in my chest was opening up again, tearing, the edges ragged. The chance I had just had...to see him, to save him... But I had made a decision. I loved Jacob, maybe I was even in love with him, and I could make him happy. He deserved that much. He had helped me, loved me, been patient with me.

He pulled back and brushed his fingertips along my jaw, each leaving a trail of fire. His eyes smoldered against mine, like his hands against my skin. He leaned in and his lips met mine, and I was surrounded by heat. He was so different from Edward...such opposites. He didn't need to be careful that his fangs didn't touch my skin, that his venom didn't slip into my blood. He didn't need to control his thirst, his need to bite me. His lips were soft, molding with mine. I let him kiss me, and I kissed him back. The hole in my chest seemed almost gone, just a shadow.

Jacob's hands twisted in my hair, and and wrapped my arms around his back tightly. He moaned but pulled away suddenly. I was still lost in his bubble of heat, unwilling to leave it. I felt warm for the first time in months, since...

"Bella." Jacob's voice was soft. I looked up, and saw Charlie's police cruiser pulling up in the driveway. He got out, and Jacob released me fully, only keeping his hand wrapped firmly around mine.

Charlie walked up, and looked around. "Where's Alice?" He asked. His eyes flickered down to Jake's hand around mine. I flinched, and his hand tightened.

"She left," Jacob said when I didn't answer, and I could tell Charlie heard the disgust in his voice.

"Oh." He looked at me warily. He was waiting for either the screaming or the zombie, and neither was going to happen. I smiled at him, and walked past him into the house with Jacob.


	2. Chapter 2

When Jacob and I had gone to Sam's house to tell him the news of Alice leaving, the pack welcomed me like I was part of the family. Quil even hugged me, and only Paul looked angry.

When Jake told Sam, Sam looked happy, and I had a fresh round of doubts. I flopped down into a chair and put my head in my hands. _What was I thinking? Was my mind really made...Edward. I could have seen him, touched him, been with him...was I really right to throw all that away in one second of insanity? _The hole in my chest threatened to tear open again, but Jacob came and put him arm around me, with so much concern, and I realized I _had _made the right decision, and I wouldn't doubt that...I wouldn't doubt Jacob.

I lifted my head and listened to the pack banter like siblings, so comfortable with each other, so...happy. Jake looked so happy as he threw his fork at Jared for revenge for something he had said. He looked down at me, his eyes so full of love I couldn't stand it...even more than Edward's...before he left. I could think about it so easily now, as if in making up my mind not to go with Alice had finally gotten me over him. Of course I hoped he didn't die. And Alice...I loved her, still. Of course.

Jake's arm tightened around me, and I realized they were talking about the vampires...the Cullens.

"I'm glad she left, but..." Sam was saying. He looked at me sideways. "But we don't know if they're going to come back."

"No. They won't." Jacob spoke like he didn't really believe it, but he badly wanted it to be true.

"Yes, but still..." Sam was so cautious, so careful.

"Relax, Sam." They were in the mood for celebrating, not worrying.

* * *

_A/N: Short chapter, I know. But I'm posting the next one right away! Please review, I have no idea if this is any good and I would love to make it better...with your suggestions! Wow. I sound like a cheesy commercial. Well then. Thanks!_

_Five minutes later: OMG! I am SO MAD!!! At myself, mostly. I can't believe I was such an idiot. Ok, so I copyed the WHOLE OTHER CHAPTER then I copyed something OVER it. Like ctrl+c? Yeah. So nevermind, I will NOT be posting the next chapter right away, because I don't HAVE it anymore. If anyone has any way to get something back that you copyed over, well...PLEASE review to this story or send me a message, because I am...grr!! I'm not sure I can even remember it all!! Ahh!!!__  
_


	3. Chapter 3

Jacob drove me home from his house, where there had been a party type thing, with Billy, and Sam and Emily, and the rest of the pack. There had been way too many people to eat inside, and since it was a nice day, for once, we ate outside under the rainless clouds. Jacob had been so sweet, watching to make sure I was okay, especially when Jared played a certain song that brought back the ghost of a hole in my chest, made me wrap my arms around myself like I had been able to avoid doing with Jacob's presence, for a few weeks now. He had switched the music and replaced my arms with his, holding me together, making me feel whole.

But now, as he drived, he seemed preoccupied, worried. Maybe they saw another vampire, not one of the...Cullens, and there was some problem? Maybe Victoria...oh my god. I shuddered and curled together. Was she after me again? Did the pack have to fight her? You'd think...if she knew that Edward didn't...what if they got hurt! What if Jacob...no. That couldn't happen.

Jacob noticed my uneasiness and asked me what was wrong.

"Oh...I was just...I thought maybe there was something wrong, you looked worried...then I thought maybe Victoria..." I trailed off and shuddered again.

Jacob laughed humorlessly. "Oh, no, Bella. Your imagination is way overactive. _Victoria_--" He spat her name "--isn't here. On, no."

"Then what's wrong?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing...no. Bella..." He didn't finish his sentence, and looked at me. "Tonight, at dinner. It just made me think. You still...you're not over him, Bells." He stopped when I grimaced, but I told him to keep talking.

"I just...you _seem_ happy, but how do I know you won't be better of with _him?_ Or..." I could see the pain in his face, hear the pain in his voice, as he continued. "What if you...what if you just leave? Go look for him. Or, if he comes here?"

I sighed. "Jake...oh god, Jake."

"What?"

"I made my decision, Jacob. I'm not going back on it. Why can't you trust me?"

"I trust _you._ Just not that bloodsucker."

"Hmph."

After a few minutes, I said, "Jake, I don't want you living thinking I'm going to run of with...Edward. I'm not. So please, for both our sakes, don't think that. I'm not. Going. To leave. You."

Jacob hugged me tight, and after a second I realized that he couldn't be looking at the road if he was hugging me...

"Jacob! Ohmygod!" We were speeding down the road, there was a turn coming...and Jacob's hands were nowhere near the wheel.

He laughed, and we turned neatly around the bend. I sighed in relief.

"Trust the werewolf. He has good reflexes." Jake said, and I cracked up. Then he did, and we were both laughing, hard, even though there was nothing really funny. That was how it was with Jacob. I don't remember doing that with Edward, laughing till I felt my face was going to fall off and my stomach ached. With Edward I always felt as if I wasn't good enough. As if I had to change into a vampire to deserve him. Now I see how wrong I was.

After a while he stopped laughing, and by then we were close to my house. As Jake pulled up in Charlie's driveway, I asked, "Do you want to come in?"

"Nah...Sam'll probably have me on patrol."

"Okay." I started to get out and Jacob was already at my door. I climbed out and he hugged me, and pulled back and looked at me.

"I love you, Bella."

"Love you too," I said. Then he leaned forward and kissed me. His lips were so hot, and once again I was grateful of the difference and happy with what I had chosen. And Jake looked so happy, I was so glad.

I heard a slight cough coming from the house and Jake jumped away from me. I could see, even in the dark, that his dark skin had a tinge of a blush to it. I looked up at the house, and when I saw Charlie standing in the doorway I'm sure my face was much redder than Jake's. Jacob said "Bye, Bells," softly, squeezed my hand, got back in his car, and drove away.

I walked slowly up to the house, and in through the door. Charlie gave me a _look_, sighed, and went back to the couch, watching his game.

* * *

_A/N: I am SO SO sorry this took so long. It's been AGES. I just never could face writing all that stuff I lost again. And this is so bad compared to what I had before...oh well. Please forgive me. xD.  
Anyways...I am running out of ideas, do you have any? Should Edward come back? Or just Alice or Carlisle or another one of the Cullens? Please review and thanks. _


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Ok, so here is another chapter, etc, etc. I just realized I didn't put in a disclaimer so here it is, for the whole story:_

_DISCLAIMER: None of the characters, like the werewolves and the pure awesomeness that is Jacob, (plus everyone else) and mentioned plot, plus that first quotey-thing at the beginning, belongs to me. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer, etc, etc. I am just writing pointless fanfics because I feel like it._

_Okay, that finished...(Eclipse SPOILER even though you should have already read it by now but if you haven't and don't want parts ruined I advise you to stop reading now). I am just telling you in advance that I am putting in the stuffs, like Leah, Seth, Colin, Brady, and them being part of the pack and Jared and Quil's imprintedness. Basically, it is Eclipse-current or whatever you want to call it. For all the werewolf stuff, at least. So I will stop rambling because I know how much I hate author's notes and you probably do too, so...enjoy. And please remember to review. It's not that hard to click that little gray button and write a few words. Thanks!!_

Guess what I was doing?

That's right...cliff diving. Unbelievable, eh? I didn't think I could do it either. But I don't have to worry about Alice coming, thinking I'm committing suicide. It's been so long, and to tell you the truth, I don't think she cares about me anymore. Don't ask me about her brother.

I mean...that last time I saw her, tires squealing, black car glinting in the sun...tinted windows hiding her sparkly skin...and a frown, an angry frown directed at me, for not wanting to go risk my life and Jake's happiness to save the person who left me. He left me, so why should he care if I go to "rescue" him, anyways?

"Bella?" Jake took my hand.

But I am so totally over him. Edward, I mean. I squeezed Jacob's hand and leaped off the cliff.

The wind rushed through my hair, against my skin, but I wasn't cold. We fell through the water, but I wasn't scared. The water rushed around me. I kept my mouth closed tightly, and I didn't hear his voice in my head.

Jacob pulled me up to the air. I took a deep breath, wrapped my arms and legs around him and kissed him. And as always, his heat kept away the cold from the freezing water.

* * *

I leaned back against the chair. The fire warmed my legs, took away the chill from the cool air and water I had just gotten out of a few minutes ago. 

Quil mumbled something in werewolf hearing range, so I didn't hear it, looking pointedly at me.

Jacob threw a pillow at him. "Like you don't see inside my head every freaking day."

Emily rolled her eyes at me. I smiled. We had spent a lot of time together when the pack was out; we had grown closer. I think she liked me better now that I didn't pose a danger to hurting Jacob. She loved the pack like they were her own...kids, other than Sam, who was, well, Sam.

"Remind me why we're playing _War_ again?" Seth asked.

"I have no idea," I said.

"Because it's_ fun!_" Jacob said with mock enthusiasm. Quil laughed. Seth grumbled something unhappily.

"If you don't like it, you can leave," Sam said.

"Humph."

I threw down the top card which was an ace. "Ha! Beat that."

Embry put an ace. _"War!_" He cried, and slammed down cards on the table violently. I did too. Paul, who was in a fun mood, rather than the angry wolf mode, picked his card and said, "Wait!" We looked at him. "Oooo...the witches are on my side...oooo."

"That is _so_ not funny, Paul." Jacob said, laughing.

"Ha."

We put cards in a line. I ended up with a ten. "Ha!" Paul, who won, said. "Ha."

"Stop it. You're starting to sound like Aro," I said, not thinking. Everyone in the room looked at me. I blushed (could it ever fail me?) and looked down. "Nevermind," I mumbled. Jacob raised his eyebrows but said nothing.

A half hour and a few pillow throws and smacks later, we went to the kitchen to eat Emily's scarily good food. I had tried to learn from her, but Charlie still isn't getting that great meals. We sat down and the pack dug in like Emily was going to banned from the kitchen after this meal. Next to them, I looked like a bird. It was past delicious. I made a mental note to ask Emily how she made it.

Then I had the thought that I feel like a...housewife. The men are out...um, hunting? (vampires) while the women stay home and cook. Thank god for Leah. But I was okay with it. After all, did I _want _to go out and hunt vampires? No.

The time passed in a rush of friendly bickering, punctuated by the one time Paul lost a little control because of some silly disagreement with Colin, laughing, and fun. I realized that when I was around the Cullens, before Edward left, it was never this fun and careless. I was so much happier with Jacob, I had to admit. I was suddenly thankful to Edward for leaving me, even though I was broken and Swiss cheese-esque for most of the time after. The realization left me almost breathless and dizzy, such was the change in outlook, that I leaned up and kissed Jacob on the mouth, right in front of everyone. He was taken by surprise but kissed me back, hard, and Seth said, "Ew, guys, get a room!" and Jacob reached out and smacked him with his hand while still kissing me. Double-tasking skills. But the damage was done and I was aware of what I had done and was very, very embarrassed. My face was probably redder than the tomato Jared was eating. I would have ran out of the room screaming (well, maybe not screaming) if Jacob hadn't laughed his loud, booming laugh and the pack went back to eating like nothing had happened, except Quil looking at Jacob knowingly.

After we were finished eating and talking we went to First Beach, since the pack said there weren't "any bloodsuckers that need offing" and we could relax and whatnot. Kim came to join Jared, and we all kind of drifted apart. Jacob and I walked leisiurly towards a colorful bonfire some kids were sitting around a ways down the beach.

Jacob bent down and picked up a flat rock about the size of his hand and threw it towards the ocean. I expected to to fall short of the waves but it flew out and skipped a few times before sinking. I guess he saw the surprise on my face because he said, "Skills," and grinned at me. I sighed and picked up my own rock. I chucked it as hard as I could but it fell a good ten feet away from the water's edge. I sighed. Jacob looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

"We can't all be freaks," I said. He looked mock offended.

"_Freaks?_ You didn't just call me a freak, did you, Bella?"

"Yes I did."

"Humph!" He pouted, and I laughed. He leaned down and kissed me, and since there were no immature teenage werewolves watching us, I wrapped my arms around his back and he pulled me closer. My hands ran through his hair and his hands--

Someone coughed. What was it with people interrupting us by _coughing?_ Ugh. I looked up and...it was Mike. I had almost forgotten about him, but obviously he hadn't forgotten about me.

"How are you, Bella?" He asked.

"I'm good. Did you make that fire?"

"Yeah," He smiled at me and glared at Jacob and said, "Want to come over?"

"Um...okay." Jacob growled. I gave him a I-don't-want-to-go-either-but-you-know-I-could-never-like-this-annoying-little-human- more-than-I-love-you glance and pulled him with me by his hand, towards the bonfire. Mike opened his mouth and it looked like he was going to say something but he took another good look at Jacob and closed it.

"How's your summer going, Bella?" Mike asked me.

"Great. You?"

"Eh...boring Forks summer, as usual...mom's making me help her out in the store, which sucks," I made a noncommittal noise with my throat, looking around. Angela and Ben were there, and she waved to me when she saw me. Jessica and Lauren, with Tyler and Eric sat around on logs too. Jessica glared at me when she noticed me talking to Mike.

"Want a marshmallow?" Mike handed me the bag.

"Okay..." I passed it to Jacob, and Mike scowled.

"I see you're remembering that time at the movies," Jacob said, grinning. Mike grimaced.

"Not really. So..." He looked like he wanted to get back.

"I got to get going," Jacob said hurridly, a tone of alarm in his voice. I looked at him, trying to ask him with my eyes what was wrong. He avoided my eyes.

"Bye!" Mike called. He turned to me, and Jacob started walking away, so I followed him.

"Bye, Bella!" He called to me, dissappointed, it seemed.

"What's wrong?" I asked Jacob as soon as we were out of hearing range.

"Nothing." He smiled at me. "That was very awkward."

"Yeah...thanks."

"Any time." He laughed, and leaned down to kiss me.

* * *

_Miiike!!!!! Yay! Okay...lol. He just makes me laugh...so, hope you liked it, and please review! Thanks. If you could tell me what you like the most, and what you don't like or think is boring, that would be nice because then I could make it better and more how you guys like it...so, yeah. REVIEW!!_


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Ok, this took me a reaaaaaally long time, as you can see. Forgive me? Well, it's long (ish) and, well, at least something happens! Ok, I'll shut up now. But please tell me what you think? And please don't hate me for this...fluff was coming out of my ears, I needed some...something. So...review, review, review!_

* * *

"...the greens?" I heard a familiar voice ask.

"Angela?"

"Bella! Hey," She smiled. The clerk looked at her, and she said, "Oh, sorry."

"Right around the corner."

"Thanks."

The clerk left and Angela started walking around the corner. I followed. "How're you?" I asked.

"Fine..."

"And Ben?"

"Oh, he's good too. You?" She looked a little wary as she said this. "I haven't seen you in...a while. Without school and everything..."

"Yeah. I've kind of been spending a lot of time down in La Push these days." I was mad at myself for neglecting Angela's friendship. With her being so nice and everything, and taking me back after my zombie period, I should have...I don't know.

"Really?" She looked puzzled, so I said, "Yeah. With my..." I suddenly laughed. "Boyfriend," I finished, still laughing.

She looked more shocked and confused than like she felt like laughing.

"Sorry, but...Edward hasn't--"

"Oh, no. His name's Jacob."

"Oh." She put a few heads of lettuce in a plastic bag.

"You'll have to meet him some time," I suggested.

"Yeah, I'd like to."

"Okay, well, I've got to go, so...bye."

"Bye...see you around. Maybe I'll call you sometime?"

"Yeah, that'll be great."

I walked towards the pasta, thinking. I don't know why I'd laughed when I'd told Angela about Jacob. Maybe it was the confusement and shock, that I could be with anyone but Edward, that seemed so funny to me. Whatever it was, I didn't really care. It was time people stopped thinking of me as the girl who went out with Edward Cullen, then practically died when he left, and start thinking of me more as...my own person?

Whatever. I sound like those women-empowerment things.

I walked down the aisle of spaghetti and linguini and penne and ravioli. I wondered what kind Charlie liked best. It was funny, I'd never found that out, after all this time living with him. I knew Renee liked spaghetti, but if it was one second overcooked, and didn't have that white speck in the middle, if you bit it open, she'd toss the whole pot. I even knew that Phil was like her in the cooking part, but despised spaghetti and lived for fusilli.

I froze, my hand inches from the packages. A whiff of sweet perfume washed over me. The hole I thought was healed picked at the edges.

_It's just someone wearing perfume. It's just someone wearing perfume. _I told myself, over and over in my head, chant-like.

_Just a perfume that smells oddly like the one person I'd never been able to fully leave behind and forget about. No. Just a person. Just a random stupid human, like me._

It vanished. I stood, staring into space, breathing hard. I felt eyes on me, turned, and saw a woman looking at me strangely. I smiled at her and grabbed a random box of pasta off the shelve. I realized a moment too late that this was Forks, and in Forks, any random lady looking at you strangely is going to be someone who knows not only what your favorite kind of pasta is, but why, how, and when the first time you ate it was.

Not to mention the whole bloody details of your messed-up past.

"How are you, Bella?" Mrs. Newton asked me.

"Good." I smiled at her, a real, big smile.

"Mike told me he saw you at the beach a few days ago."

"That's right." She looked at me searchingly, and realized she wanted more details for her daily gossip calls, but didn't want it to seem like she was prying. "With my...with Jacob."

"Is that right? He said something about a boy." Did he leave _anything_ out?

"Yeah," I said, not wanting to talk about it, but then I thought, Why not? Why not let the whole town know (because if Mrs. Newton knew the entire town, down to the ants living in the ground, would know within 24 hours).

"He's my boyfriend." I said it loud and clear, for her to hear. Hey, it rhymes.

Her face lit up and she opened her mouth to say something, then closed it. "Does he live in Forks?"

"La Push."

"Ah. Jacob, eh?"

"Black." I grinned. "But I have to be going, Mrs. Newton."

"Oh, okay, Bella, don't let me keep you. Have a nice day."

"Nice talking to you," I said breezily and watched her walk away.

* * *

The scent of fresh rain fallen on already damp grass filled my nose, and reminded me of the smell in the store. But I pushed the thought out of my head, and turned to a rustling in the bushes on the side of the road I was walking down, heading home.

I thought of what I was going to make Charlie for dinner. I'd seen that the pasta I'd grabbed off the shelf was fusilli, and thought of Phil.

Everyone and their pasta opinions...I'd never really had a strong opinion on the subject. I wonder what Jake liked. I made a mental post-it note to ask him.

As I walked, everything seemed weirdly sharp and loud. I had always felt, as a human around vampires and werewolves, that my senses were less-than satisfactory, not to mention my clumsiness, and that I always irritated Edward and Jacob with my slowness, even with all their protests that it was fine, they didn't mind.

I could see every leaf on every dark green tree that surrounded me, even the ones far away. I could see the specks of dirt in the creases of my shoes. I could hear the raindrops left over from the last storm dripping onto leaves, and the crunch of gravel was loud beneath my shoes. There was a tension in the air, and I knew that it was the next storm, almost breaking, above my head.

I walked home fast, and was panting my the time I was at the door. I jammed my key in the (unnecessary) lock, glancing around, paranoid.

"Hey!" I called when I got inside and had kicked off my shoes. My voice filled the silence, until Charlie's echoed from the living room and joined with mine, "In here!"

I walked in and sat next to Charlie. He tore his eyes away from the obviously exciting baseball game on T.V. and asked me how my day was.

"Good, good. You? Anything interesting happen?"

"No. Well," He added, "People have been reporting big footprints, like the giant wolves, or bears, from last spring, but since the killings have stopped we decided it wasn't worth it."

Jake and his pack had really better be more careful about leaving their giant footprints around, like coins from a torn pocket. At least they haven't been seen since that disastrous March.

He looked like he was deep in thought and troubled. "You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah...I was just thinking..."

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking...all the time you're alone here...I don't like leaving you here alone..."

"It's really okay, Dad."

"I was just thinking...maybe we could get a dog?" Charlie asked me, and I cracked up.

I tried to hold the laughter in, but Charlie said, "What's so funny?" and I just shook my head.

"But I spend most of the time at La Push--" With my own giant dog. Or wolf, as he preferred "--I really don't think..."

"Yeah...I mean, I thought about it, and thought I would suggest it to you, but since, you know, with college around the corner and all..."

"I don't think it's the best idea, Charlie."

"I guess. But all these times I leave you alone, I feel so bad about it..."

"It's okay, Dad, really. I'm really hanging out with Jake most of the time anyways."

"I'll go make dinner," I said, and got up and went to the kitchen.

As I was stirring the pasta, I felt eyes on me, looked around, and shook off the feeling. What was wrong with me?

I dumped the hardly cooked pasta in the sink, in a strainer, and the feeling just intensified.

A thought went through my mind. What if Victoria was back, after disappearing from the pack? What if she was outside, watching, listening, smelling my blood and Charlie's, what if she got another one, so if Jake came he wouldn't be a problem, what if she brought a whole_ army_ of bloodthirsty vampires--

I spun around. Charlie was standing in the doorway, looking at me worriedly. I was breathing hard, and I tried to bring my erratic heartbeat back to normal.

"Can I help?"

"No...I mean, yeah, why don't you set the table, the food's almost ready, I just need to put the sauce on, here's the cheese," I was babbling. I shut up.

--

Dinner was a quiet affair, with the scratches of forks and knives on plates the only sound breaking the loud silence. But the silence wasn't a bad silence. Unlike with Renee, I always felt comfortable in a silence with Charlie. He didn't feel the need to fill up the space with talking about this, and that, and everything.

After we ate, Charlie volunteered to do the dishes, so I wandered around. I felt like I had to go somewhere, do something. I wished Jacob wasn't on patrol. They had said something about a vampire on their land...but had they gotten rid of it? I wasn't up to date on the whole thing. I was never really comfortable with it, and I preferred to spend my time with Emily, or Charlie, instead of when they talked about strategy and vampires who were hard to catch.

I walked outside. Just to the front, on the lawn. It probably wasn't a good idea, but this was Forks, what could happen?

My thoughts jumped to the night in Port Angeles, the men and Edward saving me. His anger. And then to Victoria and other vampires, the bad kind, with red eyes, not gold. Gold eyes...I had a sudden vision of _his_ eyes, and I could tell they were his, not one of the other Cullens, only his. What they looked like right after he fed...

And then a sudden whiff, like in the store, of the smell. I jumped, and looked around. I was terrified to realize that I had wandered far into the forest, and was surrounded by trees and shadows.

I heard a rustling in the trees to my left. I spun around, but didn't see anything.

Then I saw what looked like a shadow of a person, gliding away in the corner of my eye. I looked all around me, getting dizzy. I walked forward, pushed through some trees, and stumbled out into a clearing. It wasn't at all like Edward's clearing, all golden grass and sunny skies, with a creek gurgling through. It was shadowy, dark, and small, and it had an air of claustrophobia.

I stared at the end opposite me, and saw a shape emerge from the wall of trees and walk slowly towards me. A human-shaped shadow, gliding...coming closer, closer...

I held in the urge to scream. If this was Victoria, I didn't need anyone else, if anyone could hear me, coming and getting killed too.

It was only a few yards away when the moon broke out of the clouds and shone down on the person, making his skin glimmer faintly. Then his face was illuminated...

I just about had a heart attack. I couldn't breath. I thought I must be dreaming.

"Bella?" The velvet voice was full of pain, and wonder when it said my name.

I couldn't respond. This couldn't be happening.

"I just had to check..."

My throat constricted, even as I tried to say a word. It came out sounding like...not English.

He flinched. His beauty was just intensified by the moonlight and by the ages I had gone without seeing him. I didn't want to think his name, thought that if I did, he would disappear forever, again. But...did I not want him to? I _wanted_ him to stay?

"Bella, say something. Tell me...tell me you are really..."

I let my breath out in a long _whoosh. _I didn't know what to say.

"I'll leave, if you want me to," he said, and that just made me say, "No."

He looked relieved. "Bella! I'm so sorry, so so sorry. I can never say how sorry--and when Alice told me--I just went off, and I didn't even think--" It came out in a jumble.

"Was it you? In the store?" I demanded. Which was so not the most important question I had to ask him, but would _your_ brain be functioning now?

He sighed. "I just wanted to see...I left so you would be happy, Bella. I just needed to see if it worked."

"What?" I was astonished. "Worked? _Worked?_ Are you _insane?_"

He looked shocked. "Bella?"

"Go ask Jake, why don't you. Go ask Jacob to show you some of his thoughts, his memories, of after you _left."_

He sighed. "It's okay, Bella. I was ready for this. I'm not asking you to take me back--"

But I gasped and took a halting step closer towards him. His alabaster face glowed.

_This cannot be happening, _I thought desperately. It was easier to think of him not being here, me being with Jacob, when he wasn't actually _here_, standing right in front of me, all bright, hopeful gold eyes and otherworldly (or just Greek godly) beauty.

"Damn you," I mumbled, and Edward's eyes lost the hopeful serenity and first held anguish, then acceptance.

"No," I said. "Yes."

"Bella?"

"Yes? No."

"Make up your mind," He said, and I wondered at his ability to make a...joke? at a time like this.

"Edward...why?"

"I had to see that you're happy," He said earnestly. "I had to see, it was killing me not to. I had to see if it worked, if what I did helped you..."

"What? I'm not...understanding. I thought..."

"You thought I didn't love you anymore?" He read my mind. I could see the pain in his face as he said it. "How could you think that?"

I snorted. "Is it really that hard to believe? I mean...look at you--" I gestured to him, way past perfect "--and look at _me_," I said with disgust, looking down at my torn and dirty clothes, messy hair, and tired eyes.

"All I see is what could have been, Bella. What you could have had."

I stared at him, not understanding. He sighed. "What you had just now before I had to come and ruin it. I couldn't resist! What's wrong with me?!" He seemed angry at himself. My nerves buzzed.

"Bella! Bella, I always loved you...I never stopped loving you. Why don't you understand?" I just stared at him some more.

"Then why the hell would you leave me? Do you have any idea what that did to me..."

He looked pained. Sad. "Yes, Bella. No, I didn't. I don't want to know, it would kill me. I can't...will you understand?"

"Just because I'm not 107 doesn't mean I have the brain of a two-year-old."

He grinned. But it didn't reach his topaz eyes.

He was suddenly tense. Or more tense than before, if that's saying anything. Alert. "I have to go," He said, and the hole came back. I hadn't even noticed not feeling it, but now it came back with full force and I needed Jacob.

Wow, I really had co-dependency issues.

I turned and stumbled back into the forest, but he came beside me in a flash and guided me to the edge, in sight of Charlie's house. I followed his misty, pale white form through the contrasting trees and thought of ghosts. He was a ghost, and beautiful, _real_, always _real,_ ghost. I noticed he never touched me. Was that for him, or for me? Was he too disgusted, and shocked, by his long absence, at my too-human clumsiness, warmth, and just plain plain-ness, that he couldn't bear to touch me?

Speaking of warmth and human...Jacob, when he saw me stumbling out of the forest, and most likely smelled the "bloodsucker" he came running and scooped me up in a hug. I clung to him hard.

"Bella? Bells, what's wrong?" He asked, frantic, but he leaned away from me and saw my face and didn't need the question anymore.

"No...no." He whispered, understanding dawning on his face. "No!" I could see the agony in his eyes. The hopelessness.

"Jake...Jake." I said. I couldn't get the words out. "He's back.

* * *

_Oh, god. I just realized this is going to end up like Eclipse._

_Edward? Or Jacob? Jacob imprint, or Edward...dies? What do you think? REVIEW, PLEASE!! thanks!!_


	6. Chapter 6

"Oh, Bella." Jacob's voice was soft, gentle. His hand stroked my hair, fire on chill. I sighed.

"Jacob. I'm not going to...let this..." I tried to make my voice strong but failed miserably.

He glared, his eyes softening as mine had but better, more...controlled. "You don't need to..." His voice trailed off, unsure. He continued, stronger. Took a deep breath and I saw the mask slip over his face, guarding. "You're not over him. You shouldn't have to--" His mask almost broke, and he stopped. Looked away from me, to the floor.

"I'm not doing what you're thinking, Jake. No way." That was one thing I was sure of; whatever I did, it would not involve hurting Jacob, who had saved me so much pain and hurt, comforted me and made me so happy.

"But--"

"Jake."

He sighed, his shoulders slumped down. But he smiled; only himself. "Bella...Oh, Bella. I love you." He kissed my forehead; I put my head to his warm chest.

I thought of what I had promised myself, and therefore Jacob. I didn't regret it, wish I hadn't. I just didn't know what to think, now that I haven't even seen Edward in two days, not smelled his scent or seen any of his family. I sometimes wished, with some parts of me, that Alice or even Emmett would come, so I could see them. They were so good to me, like sister and brother, at least before they left. But something told me that they didn't want to. Maybe Edward made them--I don't see how that's possible, though.

But then again...Jacob's treaty with the vampires, not to mention their perpetual hate towards each other, made a situation where I was friends with them both, vampire family and werewolf pack, unsustainable. And I didn't want to give Jacob up, couldn't, with the promise I made myself. Unless he told me to. Unless he didn't want me anymore. Which was unthinkable for me, at least, but what if he imprinted? What if he just...tired of my broken heart, newly severed, and, well, just everything--well...then I would leave. I would deal with whatever it caused me, because Jacob was just too good to hurt, impose upon, or anything. Pure good, no hint of evil in him, no hint of hate, except towards those he was meant to kill.

But I've already given the Cullens, including Edward, up. Let them go. So it's not like I have to give something up if I don't choose them. While, Jacob...I can't loose him.

"Have you seen him again?" Jacob's voice was quiet, wary. I hadn't told him...well, it just hadn't come up. And I didn't want to open up old wounds.

"No," I whispered. "No."

He held me tighter. "Do you want to?" He asked, and then added quickly, "I have to know, Bella. Tell me the truth. I can take it."

"I...I...dunno, Jake. I really don't know."

"Bella, please."

"I...just..." I sighed. I honestly didn't know what to say. "I do, but then I don't. Then I do, then I don't, then I want to because I miss him, then I hate him and want him gone, forever, like I thought he was, and for him to let me get on with my life."

"I'm confused. Do you or don't you?" Jacob laughed, but it was quiet and short.

I thought for a second. If I did see him again, and talked, and he said...whatever he said, I would have to make a choice. Either way, it would be so easy. Kiss him, tell him never to leave. Or tell him to get the hell out of the life I've made without him. But I already chose. It's so easy. Is it? Did I really? Do I want to take that choice back, change my mind?

"I don't. Jacob, I can't."

"Can't what?"

"Jake...please. I don't know anything. What if I do see him again? What am I going to do?" I was almost frantic, suddenly. Jacob let go of me and looked me in the eyes, alarmed.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I don't know!" I wailed. "What should I do?" I was getting more panicky by the second. I don't know where this came out of. Just the blue.

"Bella, calm down. Relax. He sat me down on the couch, and plopped down next to me.

"Okay." I sighed. "Okay." My bout of hysteria over, I leaned into him.

"If you see him...Oh, God, Bella. You're killing me. Just do what you have to do..." He said this painfully, slowly. I could see the fire in his eyes dim a bit.

"What do I have to do!"

"Bella! I don't know! What do you want me to say! Go to him? Stay with him? Leave me? Do you want me to give you the easy choice? Let you do it? What do you want me to do?" He was yelling, his frame shaking like I haven't seen in a long time. I stopped breathing, amazed that he'd taken it like that and terrified of what would happen if he lost control.

"Jacob. Calm down, please, breathe, Jake, breathe."

"Yeah. Calm. Right." His breath rushed out in a _whoosh _and the shaking subsided. I sighed in relief. His eyes hardened.

"You actually think I'd hurt you, Bella?" His voice was controlled, no danger of that, but cold. I fell back against the cushions and covered my face in my hands at how I'd messed this up.

"I'm not your perfect vampire. If you want him, just leave." He looked away, his voice still cold and distant.

"And find him? Great chance of that."

"That's the only thing stopping you? Well, sorry, but I'm not going to go out and find him for you."

"I never asked you to!" He was being completely unreasonable. I told him so.

"_I'm_ being unreasonable? _Me?"_ He asked incredulously. "Bella, I think you're seriously deluded."

"I'm deluded?" I was shouting now. If I were a werewolf I'd be shaking like crazy now. "You're the one giving me mixed messages and _not helping me when I really need you!"_

The iciness and distance suddenly disappeared from Jacob's face, and he turned towards me, lifting his arms slightly.

"I don't want to fight with you, Bella. I just...never mind. Just please, don't torture me. I'm not that strong." His voice cut me to the core, soft and vulnerable. I realized just how much he was hurting, even when Edward was gone, we thought forever. It was just like me. And I was the one with the power to hurt him, or make him happy.

This wasn't a good thought for me. I didn't _want_ to be responsible for him, for his happiness. And neither did he.

--

I was in the store, again. Walking past the pasta aisle, again. I wasn't buying anything, just...passing time. In the supermarket. Which is really sad, I know. But I had nothing else to do while Jacob was patrolling. I had tried calling Angela, but she hadn't answered.

And I smelled it, again. A sense of deja vu overwhelmed me, but I knew it wasn't just that. He was here, and for real. Not a ghost in the moonlight, a real live (well maybe not live) alabaster vampire, standing in front of me, staring at me, and unreadable expression in his newly fed topaz eyes.

"Bella?" His voice and his eyes didn't dazzle me like they used to. They smoldered, but uselessly, because I knew he was trying. That just made me hate him more with an unexplainable force.

"Edward." I looked at him coolly. He faltered for a second.

"How are you doing?" The velvet voice made me long for the deep husky one I loved.

"Fine. Good. Great." I said, changing my mind with each word, determined to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I was glad he couldn't read my thoughts.

"Good. Great," He said, but his eyes said something else. Or maybe I was just paranoid, looking for something because I want to see it. I couldn't tell if he was mocking me or not.

"And you?" I asked, determined to keep this polite and distanced. He sighed.

"Bella--"

"And Alice? Emmett?" I said quickly.

"They're fine," He said patronizingly, or at least that's how it seemed to me. I turned and grabbed a bag of pasta randomly, even though I wasn't going to buy anything before.

"Bella. Please. I just want to talk to you." He actually sounded sincere and desperate.

"Okay...what?"

He just looked at me, his expression eerily familiar to Jacob's earlier in the day.

"Bella..."

"What, Edward?"

"Why?"

"Why what? Why did I make a life for myself out of the pitiful remains you left me? Do you have any idea--no, you don't. Because you're the one doing the leaving. You don't know what it's like to be the left."

"I never wanted to hurt you. I did it for you." What? What was he talking about? For me?

"And that's why you said you didn't want me? That's why you hated me, left me in the woods to...die, unless Sam had found me?"

"Sam? No, Bella...I was lying."

"Lying. Sure."

"Yes, I was!"

"You're a pretty good liar then, Edward." I said it coldly and started walking away.

"Wait! Bella."

"What? I need to go."

He looked surprised, which pissed me off.

"This isn't what you're expecting, is it, Edward? Well I'm sorry. I made a new life. One your not a part of." It took all my effort to walk away from his shocked form.

And right into Jacob two aisles away.

"Bella! Thank God, I smelled bloodsucker, are you okay?"

I sighed, leaned into his warm body. "Yes."

"Who is it--oh God."

"No, Jake, don't worry--" But he was already stalking off in the exact direction of Edward, who I bet was still standing by the pasta. I followed, not wanting a confrontation between them, especially with Jacob so high strung and angry. And with what happened when he got too angry. The Forks store on a Saturday was not the best place to explode into a giant wolf in.

"Jake--" I called, but he didn't turn. I ran after him. He stopped suddenly, causing me to run into him from behind. He spun around, wrapped his arms around me protectively. Snarled loudly, and shoppers nearby looked at him with that _look_ that, you know. People looked at crazy people like that.

"Jacob. Please." Jacob ignored my protests, and glared at Edward, whose stance was defensive and whose nose was crinkling, like he smelled something bad. Jacob too. But that I knew, he thought they stunk. As for me, I was surrounded by a cloud of pine, sugar, and dirt. Guess which I preferred?

"What the hell are you doing here, bloodsucker?"

Edward looked surprised that Jacob knew what he was. Then it dawned on him. I saw it light up his face.

"Werewolf...I thought they were only legends." He mused, seemingly oblivious to the angry werewolf standing in front of him.

"This legend is going to rip you apart if you come anywhere near Bella again, _ever._" Jacob said murderously, and I didn't try to stop him. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"What do I think _I'm_ doing? This is my town, pup. My side of the treaty line."

"I'm not worrying about the damn treaty. I have someone to protect from it, here. Come on, Bells. Let's go." He almost spat in the direction of Edward.

"Excuse me?" Edward said, cold and dangerous. Jacob spun around, snarling. The hate was almost tangible in the air between them.

" 'Damn treaty'? This 'damn treaty' is what you live for, dog. Or what you won't." The threat in his voice made me want to smack him, hard, but I knew it wouldn't do anything, he wouldn't feel anything. He smiled a small smile.

"Jacob. I'm just trying to have a conversation with Bella. Can you let me do that?" Edward was playing the peacemaker, which infuriated Jacob even more.

"No I can't. Sorry, leech. I'm not leaving her alone with you for a second. You'll probably bite her, which is the last thing she wants." I wanted to protest, but I didn't know if I should. I didn't want that, did I?

Edward faltered. "Bella--" He pleaded. I never thought it would come to this, him at my mercy.

"But why--what do you _want_, Edward?" I was truly baffled. He left, so what could he possibly want from me?

"You." He said simply, as if Jacob wasn't standing right here. But his growling, which sounded strangely like a dog, or wolf, went up a notch in violence and volume.

"Me?" I said weakly. _"Why?"_

"We already covered this, Bella. I love you." He said it so simply, and it took me a second to realize it wasn't in the past tense.

"You're getting you're tenses confused, leech." Jacob said tensely. "If you loved her you would never have done that."

"Done what?"

"Left her! What did you think you were doing? That it was better for her? Do you have any _idea?"_

"Any idea of what?"

"Don't play stupid, bloodsucker. You know exactly what you did."

Edward suddenly held his head like he was in pain. I could see it, he was. Jacob smiled.

"What are you doing?" I demanded.

"Don't worry about it, Bella." Edward said, his voice tight, to me. At Jacob, he growled, "I don't need this, dog. I got it from Alice, and Charlie. I _know._" Edward continued to clutch his head until he looked up and glared at Jacob.

"Know what?" I asked. No one answered.

I looked quickly around and saw Mrs. Newton watching gleefully.

"Can we please take this somewhere else?" I asked quietly.

Edward hesitated, "I just want to talk to you--" but Jacob said "Yeah. Come on Bella." And walked outside. I kept walking to the ever-present forest and Jacob, and eventually Edward, followed me.

Edward started the second I stopped. "Bella, I know what I did was completely inexcusable, but--"

"I'm not excusing, Edward. It was inexcusable, and I'm not excusing, or forgetting, or forgiving. Maybe one day forgive, but I will never forget." A flare of anger rose up in me, and as much as it hurt me to see him suffer like that, I had to say it.

"I love you, Bella. I never stopped loving you. I left because I thought it would be good for you; I thought I was bad for you. What Alice told me...it killed me, Bella. I would have died if I could. I tried, believe me--" I felt a pang at that "--I tried. But Emmett's stronger than me..." He grimaced, lost in memories. I met his eyes. And they were so...I remembered what it was like, before. When he dazzled me past common sense and I loved him beyond anything.

"But you left her, you filthy parasite." Jacob's voice cut into my thoughts and memories and the connection between my and Edward's eyes.

"I highly doubt that," Edward said smugly, and he couldn't have been responding to what Jacob had said.

"What?"

"He thought--" Edward began. Jacob cut him off.

"I'll tell you later."

"Fine. Edward, what do you want?" I just wanted to go home and sleep. I was suddenly exhausted. I swayed; Jacob steadied me. Edward grimaced almost inconceivably.

"Never mind." He looked bitter. "You won't believe me anyways."

"What do you mean? Why not?"

"If I tell you that I still love you more than anything?" He glanced at me from under thick black eyelashes, the gold of his eyes contrasting darkly.

"See?" He said to my skeptical expression.

"No, I--"

"It's okay, Bella. Just go sleep, or something."

I hesitated; he turned to leave. "Wait, Edward--" He turned back, whipped around. Looked at me.

"Will I see you again?" I asked softly, if Edward were just a human he wouldn't have been able to hear it.

He looked agonized. Jacob growled. I ignored him. My heart pounded, and I knew they both heard.

"Maybe. If you want me." He said it like a question.

"I--"

"It's okay, Bella. It's okay." He looked so sad. I reached out, he flinched away, I pulled back, stung. He disappeared.

I leaned on Jacob, he wrapped his arms around me. Kissed the top of my head, breathed in deeply. I sighed. Pulled away slightly.

"I need to go home, Jake. Charlie will be worried..."

"I'll drive you."

"What about my car?"

"I'll get it later." I was too tired to protest. "Okay," I said, my voice barely more than whisper.

Jacob drove me home, silent the whole time. I was so tired, I couldn't talk, but what would I say, anyways? 'Leave so I can be happy with him,' 'Kill him for me,' 'Tell me you won't imprint, after I choose you.' That would be too much. I'll ask him about it later. He looked so sad, as if he knew that what he thought was coming, and I couldn't even reassure him that it wasn't. That killed me; it hurt him and killed me.

I knew I'd have to choose some time soon. But it was too clichéd, something that only happened in books. The girl chooses between two people, equally good. But the storybook girl always has something that makes her choice easier. One turns out to be bad. One dies. Neither of which I want.

"Bella?" Jacob's voice cut through my reverie.

"Hm?"

"We're here." I felt him move me gently. I unclipped the seatbelt and climbed slowly out. Jacob was there; his speed would have taken my breath away if I weren't so used to it. I started walking up to the house.

"Be careful, Bella. And--" He stopped. I looked back.

"Jake?" He walked a short step closer to me.

"Just don't...please just tell me, if you decide...I deserve that much, don't I?" He grinned but it disappeared almost instantly. "Let me say goodbye."

"Oh, Jake. I won't--I'm not just--" I stopped. I had nothing to say that I could.

"Just go." He turned and walked back to his car, not looking back.

"Bye," I said softly, but I knew he would hear. He jerked his head back. Looked into my eyes for a split second, and drove away.

"Bella?" Charlie's voice startled me, watching Jacob's car disappear around the curve of the road. "You okay?" He looked truly concerned.

"Yeah. Just tired."

"Go on up to bed. You hungry?"

"No."

"If you are later, just come down, I'll make you something." His thoughtfulness almost made me cry. Offering to make me something to eat was a big sacrifice for him, seeing as his talent in the kitchen was, well, pretty nonexistent.

" 'Kay." I walked upstairs and fell into bed without even taking off my coat.

**Jacob's POV**

I patrolled around Bella's house, just in case. I didn't usually; I thought it was unnecessary. I also didn't think she'd like it very much. She'd voiced her opinions about the subject before, and, well...Not that I didn't think she needed saving, just that she wasn't in danger. The bloodsuckers around had been virtually nil. Until _those_ ones came back. The anger burned my spine at the thought of them, of him. I would have exploded if I weren't already a wolf, running.

The reek of leech burned my nose, my hackles immediately raised. Instinct. Just bloodsucker; the individual smells, at least of the animal-drinking ones, were hard to make out. The ones who ate humans were distinct enough from the Cullens to tell them apart.

This was a Cullen. And I doubt any other than the one I had the pleasure of meeting just today and has a bad habit of going through Bella's window, which was mysteriously open, would be here.

I phased and pulled on the clothes I had brought with me. I walked closer and saw a shadow zipping up the wall below Bella's window. I hesitated.

This was none of my business, and yet it was. She could talk to him, see him, but...what if he had changed his mind about changing her? What if he "dazzled" her and just--bit her? It was almost too hard to think about, and I focused on other things. I saw a shadow in her room, through the window, but it was too dark to see anything more. I made a split second decision and climbed up the tree into her room. She slept, soundly, quietly. I heard a slight laugh from behind me.

I spun around.

"What do you want?" I hissed.

He put a finger to his lips and looked pointedly over to Bella.

"I'm not the idiot here, leech."

"And how am I one?"

I just stared at him. How could he not know? "To leave her? How stupid can you get?"

He sighed, I liked the way he looked sad. It gave me satisfaction to know he was getting back some of the pain he caused Bella.

"That's real nice, Jacob." I was surprised that he actually used my name instead of dog, pup. _"Like I wanted to."_

"Um."

_"I had no choice!" _His eyes were fiery, his fists clenched. My impulse was to phase, but I couldn't let that happen.

"No choice! Yeah, right. I would never do that."

"And I wonder why that is. Think about why I left, you idiot! You don't care that much about her to do what I did."

I took a deep breath but the feather of heat was already traveling down my spine, heating, red-hot blaze over my vision, Bella's room seemed red-black. I made fists and squeezed my temples, breathing hard and thinking happy thoughts. Calm thoughts. Edward was smiling at me, and the sight of that just spurred on the transformation more. I shook, I concentrated, I thought, I didn't think. I tore my gaze away from him and to Bella, sleeping, so close to me, if I phased I could hurt her, I couldn't do that, I...

I love her, I can't...

The bloodsucker furrowed his brow; his eyebrows came together. "You do? You do. Who _are_ you?"

"Not someone you'd want to be around when Bella isn't here too." I breathed the threat.

He laughed, just laughed. "Seriously."

"You really want to know? I think you already do. A _werewolf._ Your _enemy._ If you didn't know that, look who's stupid now."

"I know _what_ you are, but _who_ are you?"

"An old family friend."

He shook his head.

"Shut up." But it wasn't him. It was Bella. Sleeping?

"Jake--no, Edward, Jacob, stop, no, please, stop." Edward moved closer.

"Get away from her." I spat.

"And you can tell me--"

"No--my--those are my pants!"

I raised my eyebrows, Edward furrowed his.

"Get. Away. From. Her." I said it slowly, enunciating.

He moved back to his chair, I stood by the window. He probably didn't want to fight me now. I didn't particularly either.

I didn't know what to do. Stay, or leave her here with him? I didn't think he would change her quite yet.

I left, her room and my faith with him.

He wouldn't do anything. She promised--and he was putty in her hands, she wouldn't let him do anything that she didn't want him to. She promised to say goodbye.

The truth of what was happening crashed down on me with a huge force, suddenly. I hadn't fully grasped what was happening, what was going to happen.

She was going to leave, she was going to go with him, she was going to be one of them, she was going away from here, she was going to die. At least for me. She won't be Bella anymore, when she's one of them.

She promised.

Saying goodbye isn't staying.

She was leaving.

She loves me.

She loves him.

She won't leave.

She chose me once.

She'll choose him this time.

I don't know that. I don't know what is going to happen.

But I need to know. I can't wait. I just can't wait. I phased and ran, ran through the forest, blessing the fact that I was alone, peacefully alone, without Sam to try to make me think, Quil to tease me, Embry and his too-sympathetic thoughts. Paul, with his laughing at me for loving her, his disgust, his anger.

I ran away from her, away from him, trying to forget, at least for one night.


	7. Chapter 7

_I want to thank all you amazing reviewers...you are, well, amazing. And OperationDuctTape is an awesome beta. Thanks!_

_Hopefully this chapter didn't take THAT long...eh. Anyway, enjoy! And review? Please?_

* * *

**--Interlude--**

Mrs. Newton's POV

Kids these days. Always running from one boy to another, one girl to another. That Swan girl is worse than the rest. Edward Cullen is, well, let's be frank. Gorgeous. Who in their right mind would choose that Quileute boy? There must be other factors. Obviously, there are. The Jacob boy is pretty hot too, to use Mike's choice of words, but nothing compares to _that._

I told Ms. Weber about how Bella was in between the...fight, you could call it, of Edward and Jacob. I swear there is something wrong with the Quileute boy. He was literally _growling!_ He must have been on something. Something big. And Edward looked positively stunning, as always. Who knows?

But he came back. I still find that something to wonder over. And the stupid girl is wondering whether to take him back? I can't say I blame him for leaving, after all, Bella was probably just not giving him what he...wanted. But she was so devastated after his escape, I wonder how can she question? What does this boy mean to her?

Ms. Weber was not amazed. I'm always frustrated at her lack of enthusiasm. I mean, come on. Groundbreaking news, here! Edward came back! And let me tell you, that scene in the supermarket was intense. But then they went outside, where I couldn't follow them. I was so frustrated. But even that gave me enough info to make a night of telling. Mrs. Mallory was so mad she wasn't there, ha. That I was the one to see it, witness it, tell it to our friends and along the gossip tree.

I can't wait to see what happens next.

Jacob's POV

I slept in the forest, alone with my thoughts. No one invaded my personal hell.

_"Jacob! What are you doing? Billy's worried sick."_ Ugh. Leah. Okay, I guess that makes it no one invaded my personal hell before _now._ Leah grinned in her mind.

_"Billy's worried?" _He should be used to my always running away to one place or another.

_"Well, he's not. Deal with it." _She sniffed the ground. _"Ew. Filthy bloodsucker." _I felt in her mind that she thought it was my fault. _You don't have to love that leech-lover,_ she thought.

But I do. I don't have a choice. And if I did, I wouldn't stop.

_"How noble. Anyway, stop with this sickening mind crap and go talk to her."_

_"What? Why?"_

Why would Leah, of all people, want me to talk to her?

_"Because one, I can't stand your mind crap about her, and two, she asked for you. Billy told Sam to tell you and of course the dirty work falls to me." _This was followed by thoughts of how she wished another female would join the pack.

_"Go, you idiot!" _Okay, okay. Keep your...fur on. I phased, got dressed. I started towards home, and then realized that if Bella wanted to see me I didn't want to wait. Billy could hold on a few more minutes. Leah'll tell him I'm okay. As if something could've happened to me.

--

"Bells?" I said tentatively. Her door was open and I frowned. At least a locked door could protect her from the less-than mystical dangers out there. "Why is your door open?"

"I was waiting for you," she said simply.

"But there are--" She cut off my protest with a faint _shh._ Came up to me, on her tiptoes, kissed me. I wrapped my arms around her, leaned down--instinct. Then I pulled away.

"Bella, you can't do this, I mean, I don't want your leech to find another reason to hate me and rip me limb from limb, as if he could do that--"

"Why would he hate you for kissing me?" Her eyes were wide.

I stared at her.

"And he's not _my leech."_ Her eyes hardened.

"He's not? Well, I think he sure thinks he is." I turned away.

"Jake...what..."

"What do you want?" She looked shocked from my harsh words. But I thought it would be easier if she didn't have to deal with my pain too.

"Jake..."

"Leah said you wanted to talk to me."

"Leah?" She asked.

"When you tell one of us, you basically tell us all."

"Right." She looked confused for a second. Looked up at me. "Jake...I just...oh God." Against all my common sense I hugged her, breathing in the sweet scent of her hair, strawberries and...Bella-ness. She leaned into me and sighed.

"I can't do this, Jake."

"Do what?" I froze.

"Tell..." She couldn't tell me? Is that it? "You don't need to. I get the message. I took one last look at her, met her big deep chocolate eyes, and walked away.

"Jake! What are you doing?"

"Leaving. You don't need to tell me," I said quietly.

"Tell you?"

"You said you couldn't. I'm sparing you."

"What...oh no, Jake, he'll kill you, please don't go I'll tell him I will I don't care what he does oh God don't go!" She panicked, in that way of hers she has, wide eyes and flushed cheeks.

"He won't kill me. I'm not going anywhere near _him. _What would I do that for?" What was she talking about?

"What? Oh my God, Jake. She ran up to me, hugged me, tight, for her at least. I just stood there, wanting to spare both of us this. Why was she persisting?

"I'm not...I'm not telling_ you_ anything. I just need some emotional support."

I didn't dare hope to interpret what she was saying wrongly, rightly. "You mean..."

"Silly Jacob." She shook her head. "I don't know how he's going to react."

"You don't owe him anything," I said fiercely.

"I know...only...I do. My life, many times over."

"That's all? You're kidding. He probably doesn't even remember." Apparently I had said the wrong thing. She winced.

"Sorry." I said automatically.

"But what will he do?" She asked, meeting my eyes.

"I don't know. Do you want me to come...in case..." I didn't like to think of what I was envisioning.

"No," she said firmly. "No, he won't do anything...anything. He's not like that."

I raised an eyebrow. She rolled her eyes. "I better go. No use procrastinating." She made it sound like she was dreading it. I found some weird enjoyment in that fact.

"I'll wait here?" I thought of Billy. He can wait.

"No, go home. Billy called, he was worried."

"Okay...if you need me..."

"Yeah." I didn't even have to finish my sentence.

We walked out, she went towards her truck, I walked on towards the woods.

"You ran here? Do you want a ride?"

"Yeah. No, it's okay."

"Bye," she said, glancing fleetingly at me. I strode to her and kissed her, long, deep, and she kissed me, almost frantically. She tangled her fingers in my hair roughly, my heart beat wildly.

She broke away. "Bye." And got in her car and drove away.

My mind still full of her cool lips, I phased, and apparently Leah was still wolfy, because I heard a loud, _"Bleck. Spare us, Jacob," _in my mind and a flurry of _"I'd rather you sing!"_

I thought-sang a song I knew she hated while running towards home.

_"Oh, my God. Jesus Christ."_

_"Spaghetti!"_

She rolled her eyes in her head. _"See you. This happiness is devastating," _and phased, and I was alone.

I wasn't even fully able to feel my happiness at the stupid misunderstanding between me and Bella, and the outcome. I almost couldn't believe it, but then if I, even for one second, doubted that this was--what, real?--then I was sure I would make some mistake later on, something stupid like at Bella's house.

At home, I phased and dressed. As I walked in I heard a crash, and Billy muttered "Dammit!" Then yelled, "Jake!"

"Yeah?"

"Where _were_ you?" He sounded mad. I decided to stick to the edited and abbreviated truth, something he would believe and not question.

"I was patrolling and then at Bella's," I said.

"All night?" He raised an eyebrow. His anger seemed to have disappeared at the word _patrol._ It was magic; he took my job far too seriously.

"Yep. There were some difficult ones."

"But you got them?"

"Uh..." I didn't want to say anything too definite, he and Sam talked, well, a lot, and I was never sure what could slip out.

"Kind of."

"Kind of?"

"Don't worry about it." That was not a good thing to say.

"Maybe I'll talk to Sam about it..." He pursed his lips.

"No! I mean, yeah. It's fine. Don't even mention it."

He looked skeptical but said nothing except, "You really worried me, Jake. Don't just run off like that. Literally." He grinned at his own joke.

"No, no. Of course not."

--

Bella's POV

I drove to the Cullen house carefully, as if a pothole would trip my monster of a truck and kill me. I thought he would be there, in the house with furniture covered with dusty white sheets. Even vampires couldn't fight time, only defy it.

It was shady in the lane leading to the house, overgrown and green. I peered ahead into the gloom, trying to make out the bright white house. I saw it after a minute, and it was almost glowing.

I parked, and sat in the car for a minute. I saw a flicker of something in the window, was it bronze, or was it just my imagination? I wondered if the other Cullens were here, but I didn't know if I wanted them to be or not. In a way it was easier for them not to be; after all, I'd said my goodbyes to them long ago. But it nagged at me how nice it would be to see them again, Alice and Emmett, Esme, who'd been like a mother to me, even Rosalie with her cold eyes and hate. Carlisle too, and Jasper, even though I didn't want him to feel...guilty at all, after what he did in that disastrous birthday party.

I walked out, quickly, suddenly bold and just wanting this over. I dreaded seeing him hurt, but I was glad that my mind was made up, never really anything different.

"Bella?" He waited at the steps, up ten or so. I walked up. His eyes were wide, hopeful. I lowered mine. I heard his breath going out, _whoosh,_ fast.

"Yes. Bella, I..." Edward's voice was almost pleading.

"Edward. Just let me say what I came to say."

"Just come inside first." I hesitated to follow him. "Is everyone else here?" I asked.

He paused. "No. Just me." I breathed out. "Okay."

We walked inside, sat on the couch stiffly, like strangers. I felt a strange pounding in my heart.

"Edward. When you left me...well, you probably know."

"Jacob was kind enough to show me." He tapped his head, grimacing.

"So that's what he was doing," I thought aloud.

He nodded, stiffly, his eyes hooded. I ignored the pain I felt at his.

"I'll skip all that. Basically, you made the worst decision possible."

"I know," he said.

"Don't interrupt," I said. "That decision ruined my life for many, many months. I couldn't live, I couldn't function. Then I found Jake. He helped me, I was broken, riddled through with holes, and he didn't care. He helped me, and I'll be eternally grateful to him for that."

"And me as well," Edward said, with a pained look on his face. Being thankful to a werewolf obviously took some effort.

"I was waiting for you to come back. Then Alice did. Jake wanted me to run with him, he was shaking, almost phasing." Edward flinched, looked me over. "I didn't go with her. I didn't want you dead, but at that moment Jacob's happiness meant more to me than, well...I knew they'd get you out of it, whatever stupid mess you were in in Italy, Alice and Carlisle, Rosalie..."

"I made a life without you, Edward, and the point is you can't come back into it, if you want to or not."

He just stared at me, his cool topaz eyes melting.

"Why aren't you...screaming, crying, trying...!"

"I can't cry."

I stared at him in disbelief. "You just sit there! While I tell you how horrible you've been, why aren't you defending yourself?"

"I have nothing to defend myself from. I know I was horrible. I deserve this." My jaw dropped. "That doesn't mean that I don't love you, Bella. You can't imagine how much it hurts..." He stared at me with the first bit of emotion I've seen.

"Then try to win me back!"

"Stay with me, Bella. I love you. Stay with me, choose me."

I couldn't say anything resembling words.

He shook his head. "I won't make you choose, Bella." Contradicting what he had said seconds before.

"I already did."

--

Jacob's POV

The wait seemed eternal. The only thing I could do was pace and pace and pace...I thought I was going to go crazy.

"Why don't you just...go on patrol or something. Kill some vampires, Jake." Billy's irritated voice cut through whatever horrible scenario I imagined Bella in, down at the Cullen house I couldn't go to.

"I can't. None left." Bella being ripped apart, bitten--I cringed.

"Go to the beach!" Billy yelled.

I did.

Walking there, where so many memories ended up, wasn't the best thing either. Bella being drowned, crushed, rocked by waves--nightmare images flashed through my mind for minutes, hours, I don't know.

But then I felt cool hands on my arm, and I turned around and threw my arms around the person standing there. Unfortunately it wasn't Bella. Some tall girl with curly brown hair, from Forks, looking very scared indeed.

"Agh...sorry! Thought you were someone else," I muttered.

"It's okay..." Whoever it was ran past me to her friends, waiting around a campfire.

I paced, I sat, I ran. I almost screamed.

Then another cool hand touched my arm tentatively, and I turned around slowly before throwing my arms around the right person. She pressed her face to my chest, and I breathed a deep sigh of relief. "Oh, Bella, I'm so glad..." I stopped, she wrapped her arms around me, and she was shaking, shaking, not from the cold. My t-shirt was wet from her tears. I held her, I don't know how long. Quietly we stood there, predictable sun hiding behind predictable clouds, to the waves rushing up and stopping at the shore only to go back again, back to the endless ocean, then back, back, back.


	8. Chapter 8

Jacob's POV

I sat, looking at Bella, slumped against my shoulder, eyes closed, sleeping steadily, deep sleep. We were on the couch in my house, and I had just woken up, Billy was asleep, and Charlie was, well, I really don't know. Bella had seemed so exhausted I didn't want her driving home, so she spent the night here, on the couch. She wouldn't take my bed. But I didn't want to leave her alone. She was...so fragile. So breakable, after what she did yesterday, so sad...

I was again, so mad at the bloodsucker who made her life so hard. If he had just stayed in Alaska or wherever, where he belonged, everything would be fine, and Bella would actually be happy, fully happy, and no bad memories, no threat of him coming back, or not.

She stirred; she leaned heavily on my arm. I stroked her soft brown hair, wishing she could just forget about him. Ever since, well, yesterday, she had been so deep in her own head, her own thoughts, probably about him. I wonder if she regretted not going back to him, staying with him while she had the chance. But I couldn't say _I _regretted what she did.

"Jake?" A sleepy mumble, cool breath on my bare arm.

"Hm?" I whispered. She picked up her head, looked around, sleepy eyes half-closed. She rubbed them. "Wha--"

"It's okay," I said, pulled her closer.

"I have to--" She muttered, looked around, and stumbled off to the bathroom. I sighed, got up and peered into our near-empty fridge, frowning. My huge appetite had really, well, emptied out the fridge. And cupboards. And counter. At least there was some bread, a few eggs.

I felt cool hands on my back, even through my shirt, and turned around. Bella stood there, smiling at me, as if sadly. I looked at her warily, raised my eyebrows. She lowered her eyes. "Jake, I'm not going to--" She stopped, either afraid to say it or just not knowing what to say.

"Shh. It's okay." I leaned down, she leaned up, and I kissed her, slowly, her cold lips moving with mine and I couldn't doubt her decision. Her breath tickled my face, like the air after it snowed. She pulled away. Looked over my shoulder. Raised her eyebrows. Grinned, I don't know what at.

I sighed, looking at the entire lack of food. "Sorry, Bells. We don't exactly have much food..." She shook her head, put the bread in the toaster. She stared at it, after she put it in, for a few moments, then turned back to me. There was a look on her face, incomprehensible, but it scared me, just a little. She smiled, a little too brightly, or was I just paranoid? and said, "Butter?"

"Yeah. We have some...I think." We had a little, luckily.

The toaster _ding_ed and I took it out. Another plus to this whole werewolf thing is that I never got burned. I handled the toast out of the toaster and it didn't feel any different from the the untoasted bread. I sat down across from Bella, buttered a piece of toast and gave it to her. She smiled and started eating, small bites, slowly. I buttered one for myself and ate it, with significantly bigger bites.

"This is nice," she said quietly.

"What is?" I asked.

She smiled sadly at me. "Eating."

I raised my eyebrows.

"With you," she said simply, and I understood. She couldn't eat with that bloodsucker of hers. I felt a rush of gratitude that I could, well, eat. As weird as that sounds.

"Whenever I ate he just stared at me. It was...I felt rushed, I had to...hurry, so I didn't bore him. I hated it. That was one thing I hated. I felt like such a...for eating cereal while he went and conquered big mountain lions, grizzlies..." She trailed off, staring into the space between me and her eyes. "He said he didn't mind, but...oh, Jake. I'm so glad you're human."

She looked up and smiled at me, really, truly, brightly. I froze.

The smile faded. "Oops." She said. Frowned. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Jake! That was so insensitive of me...I'm sorry." She looked close to tears. See what I mean, about her being fragile?

"It's really okay, Bells. I know I...well, I...looks can be deceiving." She stared at me for a minute then laughed. I realized what I had said, smiled, laughed with her.

"You don't exactly _look _like a werewolf," she tried, but gave up and grinned.

We ate in silence after that, but it wasn't awkward silence, it was just, well, I can't say happy silence, but content would have to do.

Until I realized that Bella's head was hung down, over her plate, and hot tears were falling, dripping down onto the table, silently, quietly.

I leaned forward. "Bella?" I asked hesitantly. She sniffed, didn't look up. I got up, and picked her up easily, set her down standing. She didn't resist. I put my arms around her, pulled her close. She flopped against my chest, the sobs coming fast but still quietly, tears flowing swiftly.

* * *

Bella's POV

The memories came so swiftly, so fast...I just let them overtake me, to tired to fight. I didn't even notice I was crying until the tears dropped down in front of my eyes, dripped down my cheeks. Jacob noticed, of course, and pulled me up. I leaned against his chest, too sick of it to stop myself from doing this and hurting him. I had told myself I would keep it in until I was alone, not let Jake see me like this. I knew it would hurt him, as much as he didn't let it show. He was much too good for me, just holding me when I needed it, like this, like then.

But it was true, what I had said to him, about eating with him. It was a new experience, and I liked it, more than I would have thought. But it brought back painful memories, cold hands and topaz eyes I didn't think I'd ever be rid of. Grizzlies..."It's my favorite..." Mountain lion...humor in his cool-warm eyes, watching me pour the cereal..."It's no irritated grizzly..." A small shake of the alabaster head, copper hair falling into golden eyes.

I leaned on Jacob and thought about Edward, and it struck me how wrong that was, how horrible I was to be doing this. I had to pull myself together, forget about him. I thought if it might have been better if I had chosen the other way, the other life. At least Jacob wouldn't have to see me like this. But Edward would. And I would. There was no way, there had to be compromises either way...I was glad how I had chosen, and there were no regrets, no wishes of otherwise.

I took a deep breath and tried to pull myself together. I looked up at him, he was solemn, sad, staring down at me.

"Sorry," I said, meaning it, deeply, fully.

He shook his head, smiled sadly.

"No...God, Jake, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't...shouldn't..."

"Do you think I'd rather your leech be comforting you? No, Bells, you did nothing wrong." His voice was quiet but intense. Except for love the wrong person. Along with the right one, which just makes everything worse.

I shook my head, looking down. He put his hand under my chin, tilted my head up, kissed my cheeks, his hot lips burning my skin, but in a good way, kissing my tears away, then his lips met mine and I kissed him too, and tried to forget about a certain person with ice-cold stone-hard lips. I was lost, almost lost, his warm hands were on my back, pulling me closer to him, I tangled my fingers in his soft black hair, breathing as much as I could, and his hot breath floated over my face.

A cough, slight and quiet, came from the hall right near us. Jacob jumped away from me, and I was stunned by the cold air rushing in between us. Billy sat in his wheelchair in the hall, looking at us sort of oddly, but then he just shook his head and wheeled past us into the kitchen.

"Jake, Did you eat _everything?_" he said in an exasperated tone. I looked away, towards the front door, and Charlie just had to be standing there with a purple face and complete silence. He opened his mouth a few times and nothing came out, and he just said, "Bella. We have to go. Outside. My car."

I hesitated, he said, _"Now."_

I looked at Jake. "Bye," I said, rolling my eyes.

He grinned and came over to me, put his hands on my face, but changed his mind at the last second, not daring to kiss me in front of Charlie. He just looked wistfully at me and said "Bye, Bells," and watched me leave.

I didn't want to face purple Charlie in the car, but I walked there anyway, slowly and careful not to trip on any protruding sticks or stones.

"Bella," Charlie said once I got into the car. His purple color had faded sightly, leaving an angry red. "I know Jacob is a very...nice boy, but sometimes you have to be a little careful, because he does wa--"

_"Dad." _I interrupted him, not wanting to hear the rest of his sentence. "In case you've forgotten I _am _eighteen, which means I am a legal adult and responsible for--well, me. If you don't like it, I can always move out." I said it a bit harshly, but really, it's not like I was doing anything...really.

He sighed, and I felt bad that I had threatened to move out on him. "Okay, Bella. But you _are_ responsible for the consequences of your actions, and so is Jacob."

"Yes. We are. Exactly."

* * *

_We are responsible for our actions, _is what I thought when I felt Jacob's lips on mine, moving with mine in ways that I still can't get used to. No restrain, no closed-lips-tight-mouth-don't-touch-my-fangs. It was a new experience, like eating with him, together, just like that. All these new things...they weren't exactly new, I told myself. But seeing Edward again, letting him go, finally, fully, made me realize and appreciate it more, Jacob more. The life I had with Jacob and could never have with Edward more.

"Oh, Bella," Jacob's low husky voice drew me back to the present, as if I wasn't in it already. He pulled away from me, his hands still entangled in my hair, his palms on my cheeks. "I love you so much," he said, and kissed me again. I kissed him back, and his heat warmed me from the always-cold Forks air. I was glad we lived in Forks; his heat would be unbearable in Phoenix, or anywhere else for that matter.

A low wolf howl broke from the cool green forest, a little ways away, but never far in Forks.

_"Dammit,"_ Jacob mumbled, and pulled away from me. I groaned.

"I know, Bells, I know. Oh, God. Can't they just handle it without me?" He said the last part to himself, it seemed, almost. His hands released their hold on my hair, I reluctantly stepped away from his warm body.

"Do you know what it is?" I asked him.

"No," he sighed. "I can't...understand them. They don't mean anything. Just...telling me to hurry up and get over there," he said quickly as another, more impatient, it seemed, howl sounded, and another wolf joined the already existing one howling.

He took a step back, looked around. "I don't want to leave you if there's a leech around," he said worriedly.

"Jake..." I gestured to my car. "I can drive."

_"That_ thing isn't going to go faster than a leech."

"Would yours?" He snorted, shook his head quickly so his hair flopped into his eyes. He pushed it away with his hand, impatiently. Deliberated, for a second. Another howl, this time closer, louder.

_"Crap."_

"It's really okay, Jake." He raised his eyebrows at me. "You sure?" He asked.

"Yes." I said firmly. "Just...be careful, okay?" I liked this about Jacob; he actually let me take care of myself. He trusted me with my own life.

"Why don't you go to Emily's?" He said suddenly. "It'll be safer there. Seth's probably patrolling around the rez."

"Sure," I said, and turned towards my car, put my hand on the rusty door-handle, was about to open it when Jacob grabbed my arm and pulled me into a strong bear hug. He let go of me, slowly.

"Bye, Bells. See you soon." He brought his lips quickly to mine, kissed me quickly, but firmly. Turned and disappeared into the forest faster than I would have thought possible. I sighed and got into my car, drove to Emily's.

It was a short drive, we had been close to the boundary line before. I pulled up by Sam and Emily's house, and Emily came out front, no doubt alerted by my roaring truck. Sam was a dark shadow blurring by her side, I heard a murmered "Be careful," on both sides, and he disappeared like Jacob.

Emily sighed, worry etched their lines in her already-scarred face. She turned to me, motioned me to come inside. I followed her to the kitchen, where she nervously prepared something.

"Do you know what it is?" I broke the silence.

"No," she said quietly. "Was it Jacob who...howled?"

"No...he was with me. I don't know who it was." She nodded, brought out a big bowl.

"What are you making?" I asked.

"Well...if this is, well, anything, the boys'll be hungry...better make something...muffins, probably." I smiled, remembering the first time of tasting Emily's muffins.

"Need help?" I asked.

"No, that's okay, I got it. Just sit down, or something..." I sat down in one of the kitchen chairs while Emily hurried around the kitchen.

A while passed; I don't know quite how much. Emily's muffins were browning in the oven, she was cleaning up the kitchen, getting a plate out. We had talked briefly, but nothing much--she was too worried with thoughts of Sam, me with thoughts of Jacob.

"At least Leah's out there," Emily said, smiling slightly. "No, wait--I didn't--" she stopped, mortified.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess."

Just then, the door burst open and Sam came in. Emily ran over, "Are you okay? Sam?" rushing from her lips. He kissed her, and I looked away, shy at the blatant displays in front of me. But then Jacob stumbled in, blood dripping from his bare shoulder, and I forgot and ran to him.

He smiled tiredly at me. "Hi, Bells." I stared at him.

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly. He nodded shortly. Embry walked in, then Quil and Leah and all the rest. Emily sighed in relief. Jacob was the only one hurt.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Jake decided he could deal with two leeches on his own." Quil rolled his eyes at me. Jacob didn't say anything, collapsed into a chair. I leaned down, not much though. "Jake? Really, are you okay?" He nodded slowly, but I unclasped his hand from his shoulder. It was bleeding faintly, and Jacob tried to wipe the blood away with his already-bloody fingers.

"Jeez, Jake," Embry hovered over my shoulder.

"It must have been bad," I said. I knew how fast they healed. If he walked all the way here...

"I'm fine, Bells." He looked a bit pale, but fine other than that. Embry shook his head. "What?" I asked him.

He hesitated. "He didn't _seem_ fine. I mean, being in his thoughts was just a bit hard." He stopped at Jacob's glare and "shut up."

I stared at Jacob, he smiled at me. "Don't listen to him. I'm fine." He grimaced.

"Jacob. Go wash it off," Emily said. Jacob stood and went to the kitchen. I followed him. He turned on the water, made a face when it hit his skin. I moved closer.

"Jake--" I stopped, unsure of what to say. I had almost had a heart attack when I saw him come in, all bloody. He turned to me, and his shoulder was all clean, hardly bleeding now.

He put his hands on either side of my face. "You okay?" he asked absurdly.

"Yes, I'm okay!" I said loudly. "You don't look too much like it, though. What happened?" He ignored my question and pulled my face closer to his and kissed me lightly.

"Jake?" I asked again.

He looked at me for a second, the down. "Like Quil said, I was fighting two of them and--well, it doesn't matter. I'm fine. So are you. That's what matters." I nodded, stood on my tiptoes and kissed him deeply again.

Retching sounds came from the doorway, and Jacob looked over, irritated, at Jared.

"You should _not_ be talking," Jacob said, poking him in the chest on his way out and glaring at him, pulling me with him.

He pulled me past the milling werewolves and Emily and out the door, around the back, through some trees. I followed him, he stopped in the middle of the trees and pulled me to him, held me to him, just put his arms around me and held me.

"God, I love you, Bella. I understand how Sam feels, Jared...Quil. Maybe not Quil." He grinned. I froze. A horrible thought just occurred to me.

"Jake...you didn't...imprint with me...did you?"

He frowned. "No."

I groaned, put my head on his chest, not wanting to think about what my mind was forcing me to.

"Bella? What's wrong?"

"You didn't imprint with me."

"Yeah. So? I still love you. It doesn't matter." He wasn't getting it, and I was getting it too much.

"And if you do?"

"What?"

"Imprint!" I almost yelled. He frowned. Looked down at me, his eyebrows shadowing his dark eyes. He was almost hard to look at. I couldn't believe I had made such an awful mistake. I was going to kill myself, hurt Jacob. Or maybe even not--maybe once he imprinted he wouldn't care I even existed. I pulled away, turned back towards where I thought Sam's house, and therefore my car, was. I thought a quick break was the best. Then I realized that was exactly what Edward thought, and what he did--well, not something I wanted Jacob to have to go through. No matter who he loves, choice or not.

"Bella! Wait," he ran after me, but I had already stopped. I didn't know what to do.

Jacob grabbed my arms and yanked me into a bear hug tighter than ever, didn't let go. I had to pull away to breathe, and he let go reluctantly, slowly, barely. "Bella. Don't even think that. Don't even--" He stared at me, agonized.

I guess my thoughts were clearly on my face. Jacob brought his lips to mine, kissed me roughly. I clung to him despite everything. When he finally pulled away he said, "Bella, I don't think that's an issue."

I stared, shocked. "Why not?" I asked.

"I just...how can I love anyone more than I love you?"

"Obviously you can," I said, looking away.

"Bella, don't be ridiculous."

"Ridiculous? Ridiculous?! I'm being ridiculous about something that'll kill me?" I could feel tears rising in my eyes, and my cheeks getting hot.

Jacob's face fell. "Bella, I'm serious. And plus, it's not like I'm going anywhere."

"But people come here!"

"Okay...but Bella. I just have a theory...Sam thought it was probable, I mean...it's practically like I imprinted with you. Only...a little slower, more gradual. The first time I saw you I _did_ like you."

"The first time you saw me was when we were like ten," I said.

He grinned halfheartedly. "Bella, still...I don't think I'm going to imprint. I love you too much to."

"You say that and then..."

Jacob stepped closer to me and grabbed my arms which were at my sides. "Bella. I swear. I won't imprint."

"How can you say that? You'll see her, and then she'll just be everything..." It hurt to think about. "I don't want to be another Leah, Jake."

"Oh, Bells--" Jacob hugged me, tightly, but I could still breathe. I don't know how long we stayed like that, his hot arms around me.

I finally pulled away. Jake looked at me warily.

"Bella? Are you going to..." He trailed off, and I could see the effort it took him to keep his face calm and collected. "Are you going to leave?"

I shook my head. "No. I will, if you imprint. But it's useless to leave now. I don't want to...I know what it feels like." I looked down. And I was far too selfish to actually leave now anyways. "I don't want you to have to..." I didn't finish my sentence, knowing he'd know what I'd say.

Jake smiled, huge and happy. I grinned and he took my hand and led me back into the house.


End file.
